Live the life that YOU want to live

    So here I am after months of not posting a single thing I decided to come and see what spills out of my brain. I’m not sure that anybody even pays attention to this, and I am probably “too old” for tumblr, but I think it can be an effective way for me to get my emotions out.

     I love being an art major. I have always had a keen eye for certain visual styles, but had never been able to put that ability to see things into being creative, or being artistic, and I still don’t believe I am using my full capabilities. This semester has been so trying, frustrating and emotionally draining, but I know that eventually I will reach my full potential, and be creating exactly what my imagination brews up.

    I am so thankful that I have such an amazing, supportive group of family and friends who always urge me to go with what will make me happy, without all of you, I would be absolutely lost. So after a long, hard day I just want to say thanks to whoever took the time to stop and read this, and since it is my favorite time of year, everybody HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

“you try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it”

I can’t stand when people say that I’m greedy for wanting something in return.  I want nothing more than to help people, and be there for the people I truly love and care about, but when all I do is go out of my way for others, and I rarely get anything, including even something as small as a thank you, then F**K you. People sit there and say, you should do kind things for people and not expect anything in return, that’s not how the world works all the time,  especially  when it is people you know. I would willingly help a stranger and not expect anything in return, but when I KNOW that I “mean” something to somebody, it truly hurts me when  I am treated like nothing. The people that say don’t be selfish, and don’t be greedy, are the same people who want their friends to ASSUME that they care, because they SAY they are still there. Those are the people who SPEAK and don’t ACT, and that’s not okay with me. So to all of you that go out of your way for me, and show me that you are there, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! and always will, to everybody else. I will be there until I feel like it’s an abusive relationship.

The lights and sounds of this world can be overbearing sometimes. Sitting in traffic for hours, working a job where you have to take orders from people who have no respect or common courtesy, going to school all day only to come home to schoolwork. This can wear on a person after awhile. I try my best to stay positive no matter what happens, but it really is hard these days. The stress level put upon people, and the stress that people put onto themselves(me included) can drive the most calm person to the point of cataclysmic failure. This is when I turn to music. I have friends, I have family, I have pets, but I know that I may not always be able to turn to these people, because they have lives of their own. When I listen to MY music, it transports me to another place. The beautiful forests inhabited by strange creatures of myth and fantasy, beautiful beaches with crystal clear water, anywhere you want and NEED to be can be found within the notes and lyrics of music. Tonight I came home feeling down. I felt as if I had nobody to talk to, nobody to turn to, and so I sat down, put on some music and slowly started to melt away. I ran away from this horrible world, to MY place. The place I needed most right now. If it weren’t for music, I probably wouldn’t be here, and so I posted some music that I enjoy. Hopefully somebody might use this music  to get to their special place. Enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think. This play-list represents me as a whole. My hobbies, my likes, my soul.

I don’t know what it is about me. At first I thought that I was making all the wrong moves and doing the wrong things. Every person that I really wanted and really cared about would push me away. So it had to be my fault right? I have to change what I’ve been doing if I want to be happy right? after taking a step back and isolating myself for a bit…I realize that I did need to change, but not necessarily what I was doing but who I was looking for, who I was looking for as friends, girlfriends and acquaintances. I realized that I am who I am and there is no point in giving up who I am as a person to make other people happy, or  to make them “like me”. It’s tough to finally admit to yourself, and to tell people that you are who you are,and that you won’t change, but if they truly care for you, they will respect you and stick by your side.